


Dynasty

by himarichibi



Series: Love keeping us apart [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Bokuto as well, Heavy Angst, I don't know what else to tag, I'm Sorry, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sad Iwaizumi Hajime, Sad Oikawa Tooru, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Yeah the worst kind, sad everything, sad me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 12:23:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18873148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himarichibi/pseuds/himarichibi
Summary: They say words can hurt more than knives. But sometimes what hurts the most is silence.





	Dynasty

**Author's Note:**

> Wow guys I'm coming back from hiatus! (And I'm doing it with angst, great, ignore that)
> 
> Please read the first part as well to understand everything better ^^

He wished he was stronger.

Some days it was just hard to breathe. Everything reminded him of Iwaizumi. Of every day he spent together with him, ever since they were just little children… and the day he left. Maybe it was just his imagination or his false hope, but every evening he waited for Iwaizumi to come back from university and sit a while with him. Because… maybe it was just a joke? Just a dream? Every day he hoped for it and every day he was proved wrong.

He was drowning in his own mind. And he couldn’t really say what hurt him more. Sleeping or thinking. Way, way too much thinking.

He wished he could stop those dreams that appeared as soon as his head touched the pillow. Dreams full of darkness and longing… or maybe those were just his sleepless nights when he laid in bed staring at the ceiling, thoughts wandering. He wasn’t sure.

Many times he wished he could turn back time and change whatever he did wrong, but then again… what exactly did he do? The only one who could tell him was Iwaizumi, but he… he didn’t even look back at him when he was leaving. Oikawa played it again and again is his head and yet he could not find a reason why they went from all into nothing in just few seconds.

He still remembered those words said with something that could be regret. It could be regret if only Oikawa had the strength to believe harder. But with each and every passing day he just wasn’t able to. The only thing he could do was to try to take back his life and move on.

And oh, he really wished it was easy.

***

“So you see, then there was this big black owl there and it looked just like you!” Bokuto exclaimed, staring at Kuroo with a big grin. It was a lunch break, so the three of them were sitting in a college cafeteria, full of talking and bantering of other students. Usually, Oikawa enjoyed his time here. It was easy for him to find his place in a crowd, especially with his friends by his side. But after _that_ , he just found the hall too noisy for his taste. Too many people, too many sounds. Going there couldn’t be helped though, Kuroo and Bokuto wouldn’t let him eat alone (if he was eating at all).

“Bro… I wouldn’t be so sure,” Kuroo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Wasn’t it more like Akaashi? You know, with all that… blackness?”

“Nah, it had a stupid look on its face, so it really was your owl-twin,” Bokuto responded. Oikawa didn’t know Bokuto’s grin could get any bigger and yet there he was, proved wrong again.

“You’re so dead.” Kuroo hissed. “I’m gonna tell Akaashi what you did in the mall yesterday.”

A large gasp was heard and Bokuto suddenly got up, his hand on his heart. “Bro, I trusted you!”, he said in such devastated voice that some people actually turned their way to see what was going on.

It was Kuroo’s turn to grin that time. “Sorry not sorry.”

“I thought we had something. Traitor.”

Kuroo just shrugged. “I’m just taking my revenge. It’s sweet like Tooru likes his coffee.”

“Oh bro, come on, I didn’t mean it, come on, I take it back, I take it back!”

“Ugh, you’re so noisy!”

“Bro!”

Oikawa was just looking at their banter with a little smile. He knew neither of them didn’t really mean it, even though for some people it could seem like a serious fight. He sipped his mango juice, watching how Bokuto attached himself to Kuroo’s arm, swearing not to let go until Kuroo promised he wouldn’t tell Akaashi about the mall incident. Not that even Oikawa knew what was all that about.

But that made him thinking…

Maybe that was it, maybe he was too much to bear, just like Bokuto right then? He knew he often tended to be noisy and demanded Iwaizumi’s full attention, but... what was wrong in needing him? They often would talk things out when necessary, so if he really were that annoying, Iwa-chan would have told him, right? Right? Even if he did, he would change, he knew he could, if only Iwaizumi would just talk to him like they used to…

“…Tooru! Hey, Tooru! Earth to Tooru!”

“H-huh?” Oikawa looked at his friends, who had already stopped their little argument. The college cafeteria was slowly getting empty, as the lunch break was almost over. Was he really so deep in thoughts that he didn’t even notice? “Sorry,” he said, letting out a nervous laugh. “What was it?”

“You were spacing out again,” Kuroo said with a worried look on his face. “You okay, Tooru?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I’m fine, it’s nothing.” Oikawa tried to smile, but the only thing he could do right then was an awful grimace. Well, shit.

“Tooru-” Kuroo was about to ask something, but then Bokuto suddenly spoke up, interrupting him.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing, really, it was-” Bokuto didn’t let Oikawa finish his sentence either.

“Is that juice really that interesting? Bro, maybe they added something to that mango!”

“Yeah, GMO,” Kuroo sighed.

“Exactly!”

His happy face and sparkling eyes made Oikawa giggle a little. For real this time.

“And there it is. You smiled.” Bokuto patted his brown locks like a proud father, looking at him with a sudden seriousness, not really fitting the state he was in just a few seconds ago. “You really should smile more often. We are worried about you, you know.”

“Oh… I’m sorry,” Oikawa said, looking down at his half-empty glass of juice. He didn’t want to become a bother to them. He really tried to hide what was going on, but even though he did, they always somehow knew about everything. And, being great friends they were, they wanted to help him and didn’t take “no” as an answer. And that kinda made him feel even worse.

“Don’t apologise,” Kuroo responded firmly. “Tooru, we know you may not feel like it and we get that, but… if you need us, we are here for you, okay?.”

Oikawa wished they didn’t have that conversation, but at the same time, he was glad they did. He never could bring himself to say it, but he needed to know, needed to hear that he wasn’t a burden to them and that they cared. Hell, he probably needed it more than he could imagine.

“Thanks, guys. It means a lot. Really.” That was the only thing he could tell them before they ran out of time – neither of them could allow themselves to be late at their classes again.

“Oh man, I wish I had wings right now!” Kuroo whined, looking at his phone to check the time. “I have one minute till the next lecture!”

“And who said they are more like a cat, not an owl, huh?” Bokuto still had the energy to joke around, even though he was running late as well. “Oh, and Oikawa? Take care!” he added with a smile, just before they had to split up.

“And go right back home after the lecture, we have a morning practice tomorrow! No sleeping in or the captain will kill us,” Kuroo said.

“Will do,” Oikawa answered, waving them both goodbye, his chest warmed up with a fond feeling. It was good to have friends like that, even when the one he trusted the most…

No, he couldn’t think about that now. He had to go to his class and then go back home as he promised, right? But… did he really want to come back there? Recently he had been coming home as late as he could. Kuroo and Bokuto didn’t let him train as hard as he wanted, so he decided to distract himself with university. He went to library, he did extra projects, helped others with their studies, he did everything just to forget. And yet he couldn’t. Everything was coming back to him as soon as he opened the door to his apartment.

Was it only his imagination or every single thing there was lacking something? He couldn’t really grasp it, but… There was always that numb emptiness that followed him everywhere, even into his dreams. It was getting harder and harder to hide the pain. He felt like suffocating.

He just wanted to feel okay again. 

Because with that simple words, with the sound of the closing door, with footsteps on the stairs, all he ever gave was gone. That day he didn’t even realize he started crying. A single tear just fell down, then another and another one. Before he noticed, everything he ever cared for disappeared. He thought they built themselves a place when they could be true to their own hearts. But their palace was in ruins and a dynasty of the Grand King was gone.

The time can’t be reversed. All the pieces he gave wouldn’t be given back to him. Not ever. And he didn’t even managed to say that he… that he loved him.

*** ***

Stay strong, he told himself. And so he did.

He stayed strong and didn’t look back after telling Oikawa he was leaving. Just like that, without explanations, he did what he was the best at – ran away like a coward.

He swallowed his regrets with beer on his breath. He fell in love. Yes, he fell in love with his best friend. But he couldn’t say that to him. Because he felt… he wasn’t good enough for him. Tooru deserved better. Much, much better. But the thing was, he didn’t really think this through.

He got scared. He got scared Tooru would know, that he would laugh at him, that he would hate him for his feelings that shouldn’t be, that he would never look at him the same way he did before. And that thought alone was too much for Iwaizumi to bear.

Every day after leaving he kept up his fake courage. Foolish as it seems, he didn’t contact Oikawa, not even once, because he knew that if he saw him, if he heard his voice he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He’d probably just hug him and would never let go, because even one day without Oikawa hurt him so much he could feel it physically. And with each passing day it was getting worse.

His nights weren’t much better. In his dreams shadows called, but he couldn’t answer. He couldn’t do anything until he woke up in a cold sweat, feeling even more powerless than ever.

He just missed him.

“You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, huh?” he sighed to himself. Yeah, he didn’t know what he had, calling Tooru names and behaving like a brute. He didn’t know what was right… until he did what was really wrong.

Taking another sip of his beer, he only could hope Oikawa was okay.

He had to be.


End file.
